


The Sight of Shaky Hands

by dani_dabbles



Series: Whumptober / Flufftober 2019 [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Feels, Alec Lightwood whump, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parent Asmodeus (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Hurt Alec Lightwood, POV Alec Lightwood, POV Magnus Bane, Possession, Whump, Whumptober, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 05:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20848010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dani_dabbles/pseuds/dani_dabbles
Summary: His hands are shaking. That’s Alec’s first thought after finding Magnus standing in the middle of his study.





	The Sight of Shaky Hands

**Author's Note:**

> First time doing a Whumptober prompt!  
Prompt 1: shaky hands. 
> 
> Unbeta’d as always.
> 
> @Dani_Dabbles on Twitter  
@honest-malec on Tumblr

_His hands are shaking_. That’s Alec’s first thought after finding Magnus standing in the middle of his study. He’d just entered the loft, unceremoniously dropping his bow, quiver and leather jacket in heap in the entry. Then he’d rounded the corner to see his boyfriend standing there, eyes boring into the floor, his arms hanging down to his sides in tight fists. But they were shaking. That was Alec’s first clue that something wasn’t right. 

“Magnus? Look at me. Are you okay?” Alec stoops down a bit trying to catch his boyfriend’s eye. Dating a warlock meant walking into some weird shit some days. But Alec thought he’d learned to handle it quite well in the last year. And Magnus was always quick to reassure him things were fine or under control with a quick smile, possibly a flash of his gorgeous cat eyes and a “Yes, darling. Everything is well.” But this time, Magnus wasn’t responding. 

Alec flicks back down to Magnus’ hands once again, their slight vibration the only thing about Magnus showing signs of life. The rest of him was rigid, unmoving, unnatural. Alec takes several tentative steps forward, dread blooming in his gut. Still Magnus doesn’t acknowledge him and Alec can’t get a good look at his face. Something isn’t right.

Alec reaches his hand out, hating how much he is hesitating to touch the love of his life. Fear begins to slosh around in his gut in cold waves. Fear for Magnus. Fear for what he might be enduring right now. Fear that Alec may not be able to help him. So he reaches out with his left hand, while his right hand slowly moves toward his back pocket for his cellphone. Catarina will know what to do. 

Hoping not to startle his boyfriend, Alec’s hand makes the softest, most minute brush against Magnus’ cheek. Before Alec can draw Magnus’ face up toward him, Magnus’ head snaps up. Golden cat eyes meet hazel making Alec pause his slight caress, his hand stills but remains on Magnus’ face. 

“Magnus?” Alec breathes out in question, in concern and in his most tender voice. “Babe, please tell me what you need me to do?” Hands are still clenched at Magnus’ side but shaking reverberates up his arms. Neither of them move. Alec takes several moments to examine the face he’s come to know better than his own. The smooth caramel skin that Alec likes to run his fingers across but enjoys the feel of under his lips best. The eye makeup that Alec still doesn’t know a damn thing about except that Magnus makes it looks so good, not the other way around. The goatee that Magnus had magicked away last month until he saw the quick flash of disappointment in Alec’s face and snapped his fingers, bringing it back with a wink. But mostly, Alec stares into the golden cat eyes, the colors shifting and flickering in the low light. Alec had told Magnus they were beautiful and they were. They were so, so beautiful. But that word alone didn’t do them justice. How could those nine letters describe the intensity, the brilliance, the life behind them? All Alec knew was that looking into those eyes, the eyes that Magnus felt he had to hide, finally made him understand what people mean when they say the eyes are the windows to the soul. 

But here in the study, on this random Tuesday night. Alec can’t find the soul shifting among the gold tones. The realization grips his airways, seizing his chest, no breathe able to enter or exit his lungs.

Before he can mobilize himself into action, black bleeds across the gold in front of him. And Alec stares into an empty abyss of darkness. Unable to hold in a small whimper, Alec tries one more time, “Magnus?”

Still he remains frozen as Magnus’ shaking fists move up, his fingers extending slowly, hesitantly coming to rest on Alec’s chest. Alec slowly lowers his eyes to see the hands, that know his body better than any other, rest over his heart. His mind is exploding with a million thoughts. _ What is happening? Is Magnus hurting? I need Cat. I can’t hurt Magnus. _ Over and over in his head until the voices become indistinguishable, jumbled, creatings a deafening white noise that leaves Alec unable to do anything. 

Alec has a split second to see the pulse of red before he feels it. A force of invisible strength launches him backwards out of the study, his back slams into the floor of the hall, sending him skidding across the wood floors. Alec allows himself the slightest moment to acknowledge the pain licking up his spine before leaping back up. Mag- Not Magnus, stands in the study still, arms extended out. Those black eyes seem to embody everything Magnus isn’t. Anger, hate, greed, disgust radiate from them. And while Not Magnus’ posture has straightened into an eerie confident stance - rigid back, tight muscles, glaring eyes - the hands extended out are still trembling. 

And Alec knows. He knows Magnus is still there. That tremor the only sign he’s fighting off whatever has invaded and violated his body. Alec knows the only thing he can hope to do is buy him time. Because there is no doubt in Alec’s mind that Magnus can conquer the demonic intruder. Hell hath no fury like its own fucking Prince. 

Alec holds his own hand in a placating gesture hoping to stall the demon but his words are all for Magnus, “I know you’re in there. And we’ll do this...together.”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he’s wrenching himself to the side as Not Magnus throws balls of swirling red magic directly at his face. Alec feels the heat of it brush pass his side, but it doesn’t stop him from jumping back up again and darting toward the living space. He leaps over the couch in one smooth motion. His head is barely down before four more balls of magic are launched at him. The couch is smoldering and Alec knows he needs to move. The only plan he has is to keep in motion, keep the demon distracted so Magnus can hopefully use that to his advantage and take back control. Alec hears boots against the hard floor and immediately sprints toward the kitchen. He’s almost behind the center island when one of the blistering spheres of magic makes contact with his leg. 

Alec stumbles and crashes to the ground. Gritting his teeth and using his forearms, he pulls himself forward out of range and falls back against the cabinet. With trembling fingers, he reaches down and gently prods at the back of his left leg making his wince and hiss out in pain. Sticky, dark blood coats his fingers. Alec pats his pockets for his stele before remembering its in the pocket of his leather jacket by the front door. _ Fuck_. 

He takes a few moments to listen to the loft around him. The silence tells him that Not Magnus hasn’t move but is simply waiting to see what Alec will do next. Quickly formulating a plan, Alec takes a deep fortifying breath then leaps into action. He’s up and running from the kitchen toward the entryway. The demon lobs more magic at him but they miss, hitting the floor and splintering wood. The quick movement, however, sends pain shooting up Alec’s leg and he stumbles again, only a few yards from his gear. Unable to keep running, Alec dives toward his leather jacket. His fingers brush against the tough fabric but before his fingers can make purchase, something snaps around his ankle. Alec cries out as heat sears his leg right above his boot. He’s yanked back so hard his shirt is wrenched up and his skin is grated against the destroyed floor beneath him. Splinters dig into his skin leaving a slight trail of blood in his wake.

Alec twists himself around trying to find purchase as the demon uses Magnus’ magic like a whip to reel Alec toward him. The demon crouches down over him, his mouth silent, his eyes deadly black. He cocks his head at Alec, studying him. Alec lays there panting, his mind trying to calculate any plan that will give Magnus time while also trying to figure out what the demon’s next move will be. And even then, he’s completely unprepared for what happens next. 

The demon brings his hand up brushes hesitant fingers across Alec’s shredded and bleeding abdomen. With Magnus in control, it would have been a tender, soothing gesture right before he placed his hand on Alec to heal him. But when the demon presses a hand to Alec’s stomach its not the cool, peaceful magic he’s grown accustomed to. Instead jagged hot pain sears through Alec’s skin. The red magic jumps and flicks and dances from that spot finding every nerve in his body and travels through him like lightning until all Alec knows is blinding, unending agony. A scream rips out of his chest. It’s the only thing his body is capable of while under assault, so he screams and screams until his throat is strained from the effort. Then all of a sudden, the hand is gone taking the intense pain with it. But the memory burns on Alec’s skin, in his blood and he shudders in aftershocks. 

“Your boy is crying you know.”

Alec jerks at the voice. It's the low, velvety, seductive tone Alec has only heard in times of peace and pleasure. It’s the voice that whispers sweet declarations and devious promises. It’s the voice that always sends a thrill shivering down Alec’s body. He never imagined that voice would one day make him shiver in fear. 

“He’s begging me not to do this.”

Alec clenches his eyes shut. Because he can hear it. His subconscious is already creating the repeating track of his Magnus begging and pleading. Of Magnus offering every bargain he is capable of to the demon in an effort to spare Alec. But Alec can’t have that. Magnus can’t waste his energies on useless begging. He needs to fight for command of his body. Alec can’t overpower whatever has him possessed on his own. He needs Magnus to save himself first. 

“Magnus, I know you’re in there.” he stutters out after taking a deep breath to fight against the tremors.

The demon chuckles and with no warning his hand moves to Alec’s neck. The unactivated Deflect rune does nothing to stop the agonizing shock from erupting once again and quickly flooding down his back, his arm, his chest and even up across his face. Alec screams a blood curdling scream while trying to wriggle away from the relentless attack. But he sees nothing, hears nothing and feels nothing as pain engulfs his senses. Then the hand is yanked away from his neck. When Alec finds the strength to open his eyes, he sees Magnus’ hand hovering over him shaking with such force, the demon is looking at it in confusion. The shaking spreads, making Magnus’ chest quiver. The other hand that’s gripping Alec’s right arms shakes so hard, Alec feels the vibrating in his own bones. Magnus is gaining back control. 

The demon narrows his eyes and manages to bring both hands to cup Alec’s face and leans in close. The warm breath that has always tantalized Alec feels fowl as it ghosts across his face. 

“Come on Alec. We both know you were never going to live with Magnus forever. We’re simply expediting your time. And it's better this way. This way my son can feel it. He can feel his own magic burn through your body, through your soul until there is nothing left. His last memories of you will be of the terror, the agony on your face knowing he put it there. That he’s the reason he doesn’t have you anymore. He’ll be so broken, so _ complaisant _.”

Dread rises in Alec’s throat gagging him. And it's not from the thought of his own death. No, it's the image of Magnus, broken, shattered and utterly defenseless against his father. Asmodeus will take control and turn Magnus into the monster he’s always feared he could be. And in his grief, Magnus would let him. He’d lock himself away into the deepest, darkest corner of his mind and allow his father to have complete mastery of him. And Alec would be damned if he will allow that to happen. Magnus had to win this _ now _. 

Rallying every ounce of strength to keep his voice steady, Alec looks into the soulless black eyes once again. “Magnus, If you can hear me, it’s okay.”he gasps out. And knowing Magnus needs to hear these next words, even if they are completely, wholly unnecessary, Alec whispers, “I forgive you.”

Asmodeus snarls, twisting Magnus’ beautiful features into something scary and foreign. Alec only has a second to see this before he is instantly blinded as pain explodes once again, this time from behind his eyes. All he can see are white, red and black burst of color. Excruciating pain fills him, the magic scorches down his nerves in a now familiar path making him seize up before convulsions ripple down his tall form. His teeth clench so hard there is the coppery tang of blood in his mouth. More blood begins to dribble from his nose and down the back of his throat choking him further. 

Somehow he becomes aware that the body above him is shaking uncontrollably as well. Alec knows Magnus is fighting with a new urgency, if only Alec could help him…But a renewed wave of pain takes hold of him, sending him spiraling back into a world of bursting colors and white noise.

Alec doesn’t know how long he loses himself in the void of agony, but he begins to claw back to semi-conscientiousness. He becomes aware of several things, first he can’t seem to get air into his lungs, he can hear his own gasping as he begs his body to take in oxygen. Second, his limbs feels so, so heavy. Like his insides have been hollowed out and filled with lead. There is a vibration coursing through his head causing nausea to almost overwhelm him. He doesn’t quite understand the shaking until he realizes hands still hold onto his face. But now the grip is tighter, like it’s fighting to keep hold of Alec despite the increased shaking. And he doesn’t have to open his eyes to know that Asmodeus, in Magnus’ body, is still crouched over him. So close, so very, very close. He hears him talking out loud to Magnus.

“Why are you even trying Magnus? This stupid Nephilim boy isn’t worth your time. He is fleeting but you, me, Edom - we are forever. It’s time to stop playing with mortals and take your place with me. Edom is the only place you can rely on to always be there. It’s eternal, infinite, and it’s where you belong. And I will never leave you, unlike these mortals you constantly develop attachment to. This one for example,” he pats Alec’s cheek, “how much electricity can the human actually body withstand? He’s damaged, if not expired, goods now. So say goodbye Magnus, because you’re coming with me.”

“No!”

If Alec had any sense of his body, he would have leapt up with that exclamation. But he was only able to gasp out that one word as he fought against spots to blooming across his vision. Trying to stave off unconsciousness, Alec tries to draw in several deep breaths gasping with the effort and choking on the blood coating his throat. Panic starts nudging against him because everything is so so wrong. Magnus needs him and Alec is going to let him down. He is going to let Magnus down and Magnus will never forgive him. But Alec can’t move and he can’t breathe. _He can't breathe. Hecantbreathehecantbreathehecantbreathe. Where is Magnus? He needs Magnus. Magnus can help him breathe. Why isn’t Magnus helping him?_ _Oh god. Magnus. Magnus can’t help him. He can’t breathe but Magnus…._

A low growl breaks through the panic and Alec realizes he’s grabbing at his own throat like he can rip through the flesh and allow air into his chest. Asmodeus still holds onto Alec’s face but everything about him is fighting against an invisible force. _ Magnus_. Alec thinks he must actual say the name out loud because bright gold eyes flash as him before they are again black orbs of nothingness. Asmodeus snarls from within Magnus and Alec sobs out as his already tortured body convulses with a new wave electrocuting agony. He manages to cut off the sob biting his own tongue in the process because he needs _ to focus _. The face hovering over him is currently at war with itself, a storm of power and control playing across the handsome features. There are flashes of gold in the eyes and a mouth shut tight against a scream.

Alec lets out a small muffled cry as he brings his own shaking, leaden hands up to the face above his. He blinks trying to clear his vision of tears as his thumbs brush across temples and slowly move down and around to hold on to the back of Magnus’ neck. Alec tries to drag oxygen into his lungs one more time before pulling Magnus’ face down and pressing their lips together. He feels the figure he holds onto jolt knowing that it's the last thing Asmodeus probably expected him to do. But it's not Asmodeus he is trying to reach. Magnus is in there. His Magnus is in there fighting and Alec wants nothing more than to kiss him, reassure him. He tastes his own blood and tears but fuck what does it matter. He just wants Magnus to kiss him back. When Asmodeus tries to pull away, Alec clings and sits up with him unwilling to let go just yet, desperate for a sign that Magnus is fighting to get back to him. But it's a mistake. The quick movement brings the spots back flashing across his eyes, the nausea rolls through his gut and the pain ignites across his nerves once again. 

Alec gasps and flops back to the ground unable to stay up and unable to catch himself. His head hits the floor. The impact sends shockwaves through his skull as fireworks blast across his vision. He stares at the ceiling above him but sees nothing. He desperately flutters his eyelids to keep them open to clear away the black that’s overwhelming his sight. But everything feels so heavy. And he is just so tired. A scream echoes through the loft but Alec doesn’t have the awareness to know where its coming from. _ Maybe he’s screaming. Maybe Magnus is screaming. But if Magnus is screaming what does that mean? If Magnus is crying out then he needs Alec. Alec just needs to get up off this damned floor. He needs to get up. Getupgetupgetup…. _Instead Alec coughs and wheezes as more blood trickles from the corner of his mouth. An immense weight of black presses down on him, pulling him down. Bright spots of gold flash through the dark and Alec swears he knows them. He wants to reach out to them. They are important to him, he knows this. He needs to acknowledge them. But the calm of the darkness is too tempting to fight...so with a pang of guilt, Alec follows it. 

  
  
—————————-

Magnus pries Asmodeus from his conscience with one final bellow of strength. He pants heavily before inhaling deep as he takes back authority of his body, Magnus looks up just in time to see the light drain from his favorite hazel eyes. “Alexander? Alexander please!” The head in his hands lulls to the side. _ No, no, no, no, no! _

He tugs on his magic bringing forth every once of it left from his ordeal with Asmodeus. He knows he’s in short supply and it bristles at his insistence. But Magnus doesn’t fucking care. If there is even the smallest iota of magic in his blood, he will use it now, right here, to bring Alexander back to him. Blue magic sputters before flowing from his fingertips. He keeps one hand cradling Alexander’s head and moves the other to rest over his heart to feel a sluggish, faltering beat. He grimaces and pushes calm, healing magic into the still body. His magic wraps around the battered heart urging it to continue working, then it moves on toward the lungs persuading them to open up and helping them to expand and contract. Magnus feels sweat beading on his brow but still he pushes. Cooling strength pours through stiff limbs soothing heat and burns of previous punishment.

Magnus pulls back right before he reaches the brink of passing out. He drinks in the form of his lover laying before him looking for any sign he’s done enough. The chest is starting to weakly move up and down and a steadier rhythm is pumping from his heart. He takes one of Alec’s limp hands and clutches it to his chest. With his free hand, Magnus takes the sleeve of his shirt and tries to wipe the blood from Alexander’s chin and nose. It smears across his pale skin as he whispers, “Come on Alexander. Please. I need you to be okay. I-I can’t- you can’t, you can’t leave me okay? Please don’t leave me. I love you so much. Just stay with me.”

He stays there, kneeling over his love for an indefinite amount of time. A litany of promises and reassurances falling from his lips trying to coax Alexander to open his eyes, to squeeze his hand, to stay. Tears are spilling from his eyes both running down his face and falling onto Alec’s chest. He leans forward a bit more and presses a soft kiss to Alec’s forehead. “_ Please_.”

The hand cradled to his chest seems to grip Magnus’ harder. He looks down to see Alexander’s hand shaking a bit but squeezing his even tighter. And Magnus lets out a shuddering laugh and cry at once. “It’s okay darling. Take your time. I’m right here when you are ready. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” He brings up their shaky, clasped hands and presses kisses into Alexander’s knuckles holding him until the shaking finally calms and his cat eyes fall on brilliant hazel. 


End file.
